The presenter made an interesting point that I think is relevant to personal security and self defense. He showed an image of a house and talked about the three necessary components to preventing loss or mitigating risks for burglaries. The first component is prevention, this includes door locks, fences, and anything designed to keep a burglar out. The next component is detection and includes things like alarms which are designed to make us aware when a breach of our preventative measures has occurred. The final component is response and includes things like alarm monitoring that calls the police and owning a gun or a dog. Response is the ability to react when a breach has occurred and has been detected.

The presenter next asked which of the three components was most important. Most of us (including me) answered that prevention was most important. In surveys this is the consensus of 95% of people asked. The reality is that, according to insurance statistics, for mitigating loss to burglary – detection and response are far more important than prevention. While having good door locks and other preventative measures is  important, once they are bypassed – without detection and response a burglar is free to steal with impunity.

How can we relate this to self defense and personal protection?

1. Prevention: This is anything you do to keep yourself from being a target of criminals. This may include avoiding dangerous situations, locking your car and house doors, not flashing valuables or cash in public – etc. The issue is, that there is no such thing as 100% fail-proof prevention. You can do everything right, and even go overboard with security precautions and still become the target of crime.
2. Detection: Detection boils down to awareness. Clearly most people will be aware of an attack after it happens, but understanding pre-violence indicators and having situational and environmental awareness are keys to surviving violence. I sometimes tell students that I cannot teach them how to defend against a sniper rifle. If the attack isn’t perceived, there will be no response.
3. Response: What do you do when you detect a threat, or when attacked? This is where tools and training come in.

The truth of the matter is that all three layers of defense are incredibly important. Insurance companies are not going to tell you to forget about door locks and just get an alarm and a gun. Many schools of self defense focus solely on response, and this is fine. However, without awareness, response will be too late and infective.

Whether it’s a computer system, a high tech installation, or your home – the weakest link in any security system is the people.

You can own steel doors with super-secure deadbolts, but if you fail to lock them they are useless. You can have a firewall and antivirus software installed on your computer, but if you open that email attachment from uncle Fred, you can infect your system. Companies can install intrusion detection and prevention systems on their network, but allow their employees to walk out the door with a hard drive full of valuable secrets.

The things that make us more or less safe boil down to the decisions we make daily.

Security is always a trade-off. I know I could stay relatively secure if I moved into the woods and locked myself in a panic-room wearing a bulletproof vest. However, the trade-off in lifestyle is not one I’m willing to make. There is no system that is 100% safe. Looking at security measures and their trade-offs is a good way to analyze and figure ways to become safer from crime.

Having lived in the city for 20 years, locking my doors is second nature. It isn’t really an inconvenience or extra expense. Having an alarm is a minor expense and a slight inconvenience, but saves a little on homeowners insurance and gives me some peace of mind. Everything else I do, which is undisclosed for security purposes, is a result of choices of trade-offs I have made. Only you can decide which tradeoffs you’re willing to make.

As an example,  jogging alone at dusk through a sparsely populated park with lots of blind spots while wearing headphones is one way that people in major cities like to get mugged. Seriously -  this is an activity that that encourages a lot of crime. So what are some trade-offs that could make jogging safer? Jogging with a friend may not be convenient, but may be the safest alternative. Choose a well-lit area with more people – not as nice an experience maybe, but safer. Don’t wear headphones while jogging – allow yourself the senses you were given to avoid danger.

Think about what you are willing to trade in order to be more safe. For some people it’s emotionally difficult to hold the idea that there are people who see them merely as objects to get what they want. You might have to give up some psychological comfort. Unfortunately, this is the criminal mindset. You do not have to go from blissfully ignorant to completely paranoid – there is a nice medium where you can live a happy but safer life.

The specific style of Ketsugo Jujutsu we teach originates with Peter Freedman sensei, who was a pioneer in teaching self defense concepts and principles. Anything you could do, wanted to do, or needed to defend against involved at least one concept and one principle.

The concept, is simply an idea. You can’t visualize it – it’s abstract. The two concepts I want to explain for surviving and armed assault are: 1. create distance, and 2. seek cover. A principle is then the working science that makes the concept work. Frequently we use technique as a method of displaying the concepts and principles.

First the concept of creating distance. The basic idea here is that all weapons, knives, guns, empty hands, etc. have an effective range. Weapons lose effectiveness as a target moves beyond the effective range. Moving targets are also much harder to hit with a weapon.

Keeping this concept in mind opens up a number of possible tactics. Running away from a threat is a great option, one that I recommend if possible. There are circumstances where running away is not possible, so what are some other ways in which distance can be created? Pushing an assailant away is another. Knocking an assailant to the ground – yet another if possible.

Some people have suggested running in a zig zag motion to throw off someone with a gun. I believe that would only slow you down and increase the likelihood that you trip and fall. A better option is to run for the closest hard cover – this brings us to the second concept.

Seek cover – also known as shielding. The principles behind seeking cover are shielding or creating barriers between the weapon and your body. Weapons lose power with each surface they must penetrate. Bullets refract on every surface they strike, so cover can reduce accuracy.  Also, cover may keep your opponent from seeing you and effectively targeting you.

When a weapon comes into play look for the nearest hard cover and get ready to run for it. By hard cover, we usually mean some kind of structure, door, car etc. Many firearms are powerful enough to pierce car doors, tables, steel mailboxes, and the interior walls of most houses. However, some protection is better than no protection at all.

Stay low but mobile behind cover, look for the next place to run to should your assailant pursue you.

If hard cover is not available, look to place anything you can between yourself and your assailant and make distance. Let’s say, for example, you were assaulted in an elevator. Put whatever you are carrying or whatever you can get your hands on between you and the assailant. If a struggle ensues, move as much as possible – circle around the person as much as possible – his own body then becomes your cover, his need to turn to face you is your distance. You are buying time and looking for the opportunity to escape.

If there is no way to escape or cover, and you are being assaulted with a weapon, you have a couple of choices.

1. Give the person what they want. In the case of a simple mugging, handing over a wallet or purse to save your life is a good idea. Never, ever, under any circumstances allow someone to take you to a second location, tie you up, or get you into a vehicle – your chances of survival drop significantly if you do

2. Attack. Use both hands to grab the weapon arm (not the weapon) and do your best to control the hand (not the wrist). Attack with everything else you have – kick, headbutt, bite, scream, hip check, stomp on the feet etc.

Again, the main goal of self defense is to seek escape.

A little background is in order. Before I completed my first masters degree I was actually working on a masters in conflict resolution. I didn’t complete that, but I did intern in small claims court helping to settle quite a few cases (more on this in a minute). I studied primarily mediation and negotiation, as well as organizational psychology.

One of the interesting things I found in small claims court is that generally – the lower the amount of money people were arguing over, the more contentious the argument and the more people dug into their position. I would hear over and over again, “it’s the principal of the thing,” or something to the effect of, “I know I’m right and the other party is wrong”. People would miss an entire day’s work to argue over $65, a considerable net loss for some. Cases involving $1000 or more sometimes settled in minutes.

Why? Well, my working theory is that, for most people, larger sums of money are the ends – the goal is first to recover a financial loss. People who are willing to lose money to go to court (lost time, wages, and filing fees) are there to defend their very identity. Many people have a very rigid set of beliefs which includes ideas about right or wrong. Getting them to budge from their position can be a herculean task. Holding a belief which is contrary to a person with rigid beliefs is seen (at least unconsciously) as an attack on their identity – you are questioning who they have come to believe they are.

So how does this relate to verbal confrontation?

When people are angry, it is primarily because they feel threatened in some way. This may not be a physical threat, but may be a threat to their precious belief  system. Remember, their sense of who they are as a separate human being (their ego) is very wrapped up in “the truth”. Questioning someone’s religious or political beliefs is a good way to experience this.

What people are looking for when they argue is validation. Arguments outside of academic debate are rarely about actual facts, even though that might be the content of the argument. Issues of identity and ego have to be cleared before substantive progress can be made.

Keeping these ideas in mind here are a few ideas to help you counter verbal confrontation:

1. Do not argue in the first place. It takes two people to argue, people arguing with themselves seem pretty silly and most people won’t gain the satisfaction they are looking for. Excuse yourself from the argument – “This is something that’s getting us pretty mad, I’m going to go ahead and stop this conversation and we can pick it up later when emotions calm down a  little.”
2. Avoid an accusatory tone. People who are angry probably believe they have a right to be angry. Things only escalate when you try to tell them they have no right to feel the way they do. Instead of, “what are you so pissed off about?” try, “I know your mad, and I would be too in your shoes.”
3. Do NOT invalidate the other person’s beliefs. Remember – this is why they are mad in the first place. I once was accosted by a very well known martial arts instructor at a seminar who threatened to sue me for stealing his intellectual property (I didn’t). I listened very carefully to why he was angry and said something to the effect of, “I can see exactly why you think that way, and I don’t disagree with anything you just said – instead of making excuses, let me try to explain why I think there’s a misunderstanding.” It deflated the whole situation and we parted as friends.
4. Listen. It’s really simple, but just listen to the person rather than starting to shout back. Don’t stare them down, or make threatening body postures, just shut up and let them talk. Many people will start off angry and just wind themselves down. I have used this Jedi mind trick many many times. In college I had a project partner come up to me once and say, “I am really really mad at you.” I just sat down, shut up, and let her talk while I listened. She got calmer and calmer and when she was done, she apologized to me. I had said absolutely nothing.
5. Have personal de-escalation catchphrase to deal with personal attacks. I have been using this for years, and it’s also been written about in book called Verbal Judo. An upset relative once called me at 2AM spouting all kinds of insults and names at me for some perceived injustice. Each time she called me a name or directly insulted me, I just stayed calm and repeated my well-practiced catchphrase, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” This encompasses many of the other skills – I didn’t argue, didn’t invalidate what she was saying, didn’t take on an accusatory tone, and I listened. This de-escalated things very fast. To this day, I cannot come up with a single option that would have made things turn out better.
6. Practice non-violent but safe body postures. It is important when someone begins a verbal confrontation that you remain as calm as possible, when you lose your temper, you have lost. If you clench your fists, yell, or take on threatening body movements – the other person may perceive that as a threat or as an escalation to physical violence. Many self-defense systems practice what are called non-violent postures. These are defensive postures which are not viewed as threatening, but offer safety should the other person escalate anyway.
7. Watch out for indications that things may turn violent. No tactic is 100% sure, so your attempts at de-escalation may fail. I had an incident on a subway a few years back with an intoxicated gentleman who wanted to fight with me. Despite my attempts to de-escalate, he was determined. I used a little trickery and got off the train without having to put my hand on the drunk, filthy, smelly guy who chose me at random to pick a fight. Here is an article I wrote on pre-violence indicators.

To gain and keep the upper hand in a verbal confrontation it is important to keep above the fray. Keep cool despite what is being said. Remember that you are not very likely to convince a pissed-off person that they are wrong, even if they are. You are unlikely to change a person’s beliefs in an argument – don’t fight the battle you are destined to lose. Using some of the tactics above you can yield, redirect, and come out on top.

For sure, the prospect of a possible armed intruder is pretty scary. This report is the second one I’m aware of in the past couple of months where someone in Maine awoke to find a stranger in their bedroom.

As with any type of crime or emergency, preparation and prevention are keys to avoiding or mitigate potentially horrible results from a home invasion.

The very first thing to take a look at perimeter security:

This is almost common sense but, are your doors and windows locked? Are your external doors hardened with deadbolts, modern bump-proof locks, and more secure strike plates that are screwed 3 inches into the frame? You might look at having safety film installed on first floor windows.

The vast majority of break-ins happen though first floor doors or windows, so securing those is key.

Think about adding an alarm system if you can afford it. A system I like is Frontpoint Security (if you use Referral Code: ef73c and Special Offer Code: R09WELCOME you can get $50 off an initial order). Their system is less expensive than others but is fully wireless, and will work even if a criminal breaks in and smashes your alarm panel to bits.

Look at your outdoor lighting. It’s good to have motion sensing lights near entryways. Also, having shrubbery that can obscure a criminal while he breaks into your home is a bad idea.

Be careful about letting anyone into your home. Some criminals have posed as utility workers, or used ruses like breaking down and needing to use the phone. If a utility worker shows up, ask them to wait outside while you confirm they should be there. If someone claims to need your phone, offer to make a call for them while they wait outside.

Post Perimeter Security:

OK – now what happens if, despite your best efforts, a criminal gets past your perimeter. Even with an alarm going off, the police may be minutes away. You need to have a plan, and evevery person in your family needs to know the plan and you should practice like a fire drill.

Under stress, complex directions can be misunderstood an time lost. Have a safety word that everybody in the family knows is the key to following the plan.

First, you should have a designated safe room. This doesn’t have to be a panic room like in the Jody Foster Movie, but should be a room that locks from the inside and can be somewhat secured. A bathroom can sometimes be a good choice. It would be good if the room’s doorway was not in a direct line to your front or rear door.

You should have access to a phone there – perhaps make it a habit of charging your cellphone there when not on your person. If you have weapons for home defense, you’ll want to have one or more stored there. If you can add a solid core door and a deadbolt – all the better.

When the safe word is given, all family members should go to the saferoom, which would then be locked from the inside while the police are called. If a family member is blocked or can’t get to the saferoom, they may have to get out of the house – run to a neighbors and seek help.

Nothing here is ever meant to serve as legal advice, but if you have a look at Maine Self Defense Laws you’ll see that Maine has a Castle Doctrine law which allows the use of deadly force to prevent or terminate a criminal trespass under certain circumstances. You should familiarize yourself with the conditions under which you can use deadly force to protect yourself, your home, and your loved ones.